They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
