4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
