i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
