I am in a vortex of obligation.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
