Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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