i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
