why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
