I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize