East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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