Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
