New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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