Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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