I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
