at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
