If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
