I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
