I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
