My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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