I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
