please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize