I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
