After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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