So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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