You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I love having hate sex.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Oh god it's open bar.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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