I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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