We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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