if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
