You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize