dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
