"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
3 2 1 whiskey
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
