he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
