Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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