Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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