I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
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