dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
