Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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