My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
