I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
