shes about as inviting as chlamydia
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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