so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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