belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
