Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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