LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
