I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
