he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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