ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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