2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
