I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
