Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
How does it feel to date your dad?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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