end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she woke up with a sticky ear
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We left an ass print on the piano.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We smell like vodka and hangover
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
