My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
