I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
