He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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