How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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