Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
