Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
