so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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