I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
