from now on my penis is your penis
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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