Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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