remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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